Mike this week

This is just feelings:

Mike has been so different this week, since his visit, it's so great and so scary to witness.  I don't understand it and I don't feel like I can ask, so I am just going with it for now and will hopefully get more answers this coming week when are in Gatlinburg.  Seriously, who goes from threatening to withdraw money from my life and hating me to a total swtich the next week?!  We had a good weekend, and I felt fairly ok when he left.  But this change, for the positive, is almost as unnerving as his hostility and anger.  He booked his trip here for the third weekend in February and when sending the confirmation email, included a message in the email about meeting halfway this coming week on Thursday and Friday (arriving Wednesday).  I was so shocked that he wanted to see me again so soon and so excited, but even more confused.  Was the sex that good?!  Does he really miss me and love me?!  Could this mean that we're on the road to saving our marriage (still a long, long way away in the future)?!  I don't know, but it's definitely different.  Also, does this mean he's really not seeing "her"?  She can't feel good about Mike wanting to see us again so soon and so much, or is that part of Mike's game that he's playing?  Keep me hooked so that he can still have both and still have what he wants?!  Geez, I don't know.

So, we're planning to meet in Gatlinburg for two days.  I have NO money and don't know how I'm going to fund this, but I think it's a nice gesture on his part to want to see us and drive halfway and it's exciting that he's in a positive place with me for once.  I'm just scared that if I'm not on my best behavior, not at my absolute best, that he will change his mind or feel differently.  And I need to know why, more than anything.  I want to know how he feels, what's going on with him emotionally, which isn't easy for him to do. 

So, does he love me?  Is he jsut excited about the hot sex that we had?  Is he playing games with me?  Does our marriage have a chance?  All questions that might not have answers this week, but that are on my mind today.  I love my husband.  I keep writiing it down because I hate saying it out loud, I fear everyone hates hearing it and doesn't want to know about it.  But I love him and want our family back together.  I want a new family with Mike, a different set of rules and agreements, but our family under one roof.  Maybe in time.