It's been a couple of days, things have been happening.
Legally:
Attempted to purchase a garment rack from Walmart (with Mike's approval) with our joint account, but the next day Walmart emailed that they had to cancel the order. It was $44 that was refunded directly to our account. My parents purchased the rack from Amazon.com for me instead. Haven't used our account for anything else recently. We had a serious conversation this week, for the first time really, that led to an argument and a total disagreement on where we are and what we're feeling. Two different people called Mike's superiors to let them know about the relationship, one he thinks from work and one from a 919 area code. He is not being fired, nor is the other woman, and he only received a write-up in his file. He is still communicating in a romantic, non-professional way with Jennifer at this point, and has no intention of ending their relationship. He said that he thinks he will have to move to Raleigh if he wants to be with Iris and I, and doesn' t know if he wants to leave his friends in Nashville.
Feelings:
Mike is selfish. What kind of man, husband and father says something like "I don't know if I want to leave my friends here" when discussing his future with his family. And really, he will have to move if he stays with Drury anyway, likely this summer unless the write-up has a negative effect (which why would it, he's just cheating on his wife and deserting his family, surely that reflects a strong character in one of your management staff), so what does it even matter, except that he's making MORE excuses for himself and his awful behavior? He says things to me about loving me, missing me, how tough it is to be without me/us, how miserable he is at home (because who's cooking him meals and doing his laundry if I'm not there? Certainly not the woman he left me for), but he obviously doesn't mean these things if he can argue with me about how he's in the right for carrying on with the other woman still? He actually defends her and their relationship to me, and argued with me that we are "separated" so he can do what he wants and I can't say anything. What a nice fucking guy. He told me the other day that he doesn't think he deserves me, that he's sorry that he did this to me, but he STILL continues. He's not sorry, a man with a conscience or a soul that was sorry would stop what he was doing and try to make it right. He doesn't want to stop, let alone even attempt to make it right. I have to come to terms with the fact that he isn't in love with me and begin the process of moving on. I am worth more than this. I deserve more than this. Whatever else has gone on and is going on for Mike, I do not deserve to be disprespected like this and treated this badly. My heart is broken, for myself and for Iris, but we will be ok and I will get stronger. I don't feel strong at this point, I crave his attention and love like nothing I have ever known. I need his acceptance. But I will get past this, somehow, sometime, and I just have to keep telling myself this until I believe or it starts to be reality. I love Mike so much, but I will stop this eventually and will manage to build a wonderful like for Iris, and for me with her.
Iris:
My perfect angel finally has a beautiful bedroom all set-up at my parents. It's a great room for her and it has a nice warm, cozy feel to it, like her last bedroom. Packing up her room was so hard in Nashville because it was so beautiful and had such a great feel, and this room now has that feeling too! My parents did a wonderful job making it look beautiful for her. Today she actually rolled on to her side for the first time, it was a big moment! She is moving more, rolling around and taking everything in so much more. It's amazing to see how she changes and grows, I'm blown away by her every day! Her smiling and laughing make the day, it's awesome! She's so alert and interested, her little head looks around and takes everything in. She has been sleeping a little bit better each night, she is now having a longer sleep stretch for the first part of the night (8+ hours) and then a feed and another two or three hours of sleep before starting the day, all of which is great. I'm hoping that she will be more comfortable in her room, and feel more settled, and maybe she will go back to sleeping through the night, it seemed to work well for her day schedule, and certainly made a huge difference to me when getting up to feed her! :-) Love that gorgeous baby!
No comments:
Post a Comment