Improvement

Things feel less hopeless at this point.  All around a little better, though nothing has really changed or improved.

Legally:
Iris had her 2 month check-up on Thursday.  She weighs 9.8lbs and had 5 immunizations (3 shots in her leg and one oral).  I spent money this week on formula (Tues), $20 for her Dr. appt (Thurs), $8.21 at Lowe's for kid's relief pain reliever (Thurs). 

Mike and I have been having good conversations as the week has progressed, though not about anything legal.  He has mentioned wanting to move out of the townhouse, but doesn't know if it's worth the effort overall.  He booked a flight to visit Iris 1/26-28.  We did discuss, financially, him putting Meredith's rent check in and me moving the HOA dues payment to my own account starting next month.

Feeling:
I'm ok.  I miss Mike and still want to make this all go away and us to just be happy.  But I know that it's not that easy and I'm starting to feel like I would live if all of this really does fall apart.  I don't want our marriage to be over and I am certain that we could be in love again and make each other happy for the long haul, but I would be ok if Mike ultimately fails me and doesn't try to work on our marriage.  I still think he doesn't understand that he is a particiapt in the demise of our relationship, that his feelings just disappeared without reason.  If he had just tried to make himself happy with me, just made some effort in making me (as in "give love to receive love") happy, this might not have happened.  Does he not realize that everything can't just be given to him, that he has to participate and give love in order to get it back in the way that he wants?  And I'm not even saying that I didn't do my best to make him happy every day, I truly feel that I have done that, but him trying would have been such a boost for himself if nothing else.  I gave my all to Mike every day, through my words, my affection, cooking, cleaning, loving our pets, taking care of things in our lives, and yet all of these things did not make Mike feel loved or satisfy his needs.  I am at such a loss as to what will make him happy if these things aren't it, what else is left?  We are loving and intimate, I shower him with compliments and affection, on top of our "romantic" relationship (which dwindled right before the baby, but come on, and that timing also coincides with when his relationship took off with the whore, AND he didn't want it when I still he, he rejected me for a full week straight before I gave up), what else can I do?!  I'm so defeated and rejected, how will this ever get better???

Iris:
Our beautiful angel is 9 weeks old yesterday!  She is feeling ok after her shots and is sleeping fairly well through the nights (usually up once in the middle of the night this week).  She smiles at me a lot now and is starting to laugh too!  She LOVES her activity mat, especially the lights on the fisher price mat.  She is still having fussy periods in the day, usually late afternoon is the worst, but once she is asleep for the night, she stays down well.  She's a happy and healthy girl! <3